It's Not Real

This is my first ever positive pregnancy test. It's not "real" but it is a symbol of hope. Too much hope realistically. It's the result of a trigger shot.

Back Story

Back in June I decided to go back to my fertility clinic. There was a whole fiasco with a gyn/fertility clinic I was going to closing and I wanted to get a new prescription (for glumetza, I'm currently on metformin) so I figured what the heck. July was also my much-dreaded "advanced maternal age" birthday which I tried my best to ignore.ugh. I ended up discussing a clomid cycle, got all the medication for it, and then it was cancelled due to an elevated tsh level.

About one month on a low dose of levothyroxine and my tsh still wasn't low enough (it was about 4) so I started on double the dose. That did the trick and my tsh lowered to about 2. I'm still on that dose.

During the first cycle that was cancelled I had my second hsg. It went uncomfortably fine. Both tubes are still open. However they found that my uterine lining did not look smooth in some places and they recommended a D&C. I was not on board with this and didn't schedule one.

During the cd3 u/s of the second cycle, an ovarian cyst was found. So, the second cycle was also a bust for both elevated tsh and the cyst. They put me on BCPs for that month. I was fine with taking the pill; however, about 11 years ago I had taken BCPs for about 1.5-2 years and had a bad experience with them. I told the nurse that and she gave me a lower dose type. I took the first pill that day and then proceeded to spot/bleed for the entire cycle. It was awesome. {please note the sarcasm}

When the pack of pills had about 2 weeks left (including the 5 placeholder pills) I realized that I would be taking the last real pill days before the half marathon which was some really crappy timing. I called the office, told them about the half marathon, and asked if I could stop the pill earlier. They agreed. Yay!

On Aug 5th I went in for my cd3 u/s and blood work. My tsh was a 2 and the cyst was gone.

I took 100mg of clomid from Aug 6th - 10th. I didn't have high hopes. I've taken clomid before - though it was about 15 years ago now and those cycles were unmonitored - and I was never able to detect ovulation.

On the morning of Aug 16th (cd 14) I went in for the progress u/s and more blood work. To my surprise my lining looked great and there was one dominant 20mm+ follicle. Whoa. There were a couple other follicles but all under 16mm. A perfect response!? Definitely not what I was expecting.

They gave me my hcg trigger (10,000 units) that day, at the end of my appt. Then of course, there was some sex. (this was not an iui cycle)

The test in the picture above was taken on the 17th. I had to do it. I had to create at least one positive test in my life, even if it was "fake".

Current Events

So, now that we're caught up in the story, let me just say that I'm currently going crazy. This is really the first actual 2ww I've ever had. One where I know there is a chance, however small.

My beta is on Aug 31st at 1:00pm. 6 more days. Assuming ovulation happened the day after the trigger, I'm currently 8dpo. I was planning not to test again but I've been getting steadily crazier and bought a bunch of $1 tests yesterday.

I tested last night to see if the trigger was still there and it wasn't. The test was definitely negative. Ever since that the hope I did have has diminished. Doesn't it take 10 days for 10,000 units of hcg to leave a person's system? Last night was only 8.5 days for me :/ I know this has nothing to do with whether I actually conceive or not but for some reason that negative test has really slapped the sense back into me.

Now that I know the trigger is gone, I'm going to wait at least a couple days before I consider testing again.

After waiting 15 years, getting pregnant on my very first monitored clomid cycle would be way too much luck for one person.