Friday, June 19, 2009

It’s a Myth

Has anyone else ever heard of this myth where two single cells, one from a man and one from a woman, combine to create a whole new human complete with all necessary organs, little fingers and toes, and its own new little personality?! It’s Completely Crazy if you ask me.

Really… I know – I don’t believe it either. But I keep hearing it around everywhere so I figured I’d blog about it.

In this myth, the man and woman usually don’t even know when they are putting these cells together either. The man places millions of these special cells inside a woman’s body and, if it’s the correct ~magical~ time, a single cell from the woman’s body is there waiting (I won’t even address the spin-off myths I’ve heard that involve multiple female cells meeting with multiple male cells and creating multiple humans at the same time – some people have quite the nerve to spread these fantastical stories). Anyway, the two cells meet up, merge into one, start dividing into more cells, all the while journeying to this area of the woman’s body that supposedly helps to create new life. The mass of cells grows in number continuously until a little human is formed. Inside of a woman! In a freakin’ biological bag filled with fluid! That sustains this new life while it’s developing!

WTF, right?

A new human forms from just two tiny cells? Give me a break.

Just wait... it gets better.

So then, when the new human has developed enough, all sorts of things happen to the woman’s body to allow the new human to be pushed out into the world, From. Her. Va.gina. (seriously, where do they come up with this stuff??) I have heard it said that the human can also be removed surgically – simply bizarre.

Do people really think they can just make up any kind of stories they want and others will just believe them without question??

Well, I do know one thing - I DONT BELIEVE THIS MYTH.

Yeah – I POAS. Of course – it was negative. Just like I knew it would be.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Unfortunately, Jill…

(Nope, this has absolutely nothing to do with my last post. I’m still undecided about what I’m going to do.)

I recently read two blog posts about an amusing activity involving go.ogling the word “unfortunately” + [your name] and seeing what results you get. Niobe and Lori’s results were pretty darn funny so I decided to try it myself!

Here are some of the results:

Unfortunately, Jill has already unloaded it for a nice profit, to a former child actor turned book dealer turned love interest.
{wowie, my life is… complicated!}

Unfortunately Jill and I roleplay on Tuesday nights, so that doesn't work well for us.
{baby shower on Tue? Sorry, R and I “roleplay” that night *cough*}

Unfortunately, Jill cannot walk ...
{I can’t? New excuse to use on R when he asks me to make him dinner ;)}

Unfortunately Jill is not the only one who has lost her life fighting for justice for animals.
{mmm definitely not me – but I can’t help but wonder how that happened}

Unfortunately Jill has diabetic ketoacidosis and is not doing well.
{I knew I was feeling a little off recently.}

Unfortunately, Jill seems to be getting mixed reviews on her outfit.
{*looks down* not really work appropriate?}

Unfortunately, Jill's environment is one of fear and illusion.
{well that sucks.}

Unfortunately, Jill had some limitations on higher level systems.
{This is what R would say if I interviewed for a position in his dept – I would NOT get the job. haha I’m more than a little technologically impaired :/}

Unfortunately Jill and Ian's "Benji" was absent due to having swallowed a chunk of concrete which lodged in his intestines.
{aww poor Benji :( and… R wants to know who “Ian” is!}

Unfortunately Jill took Beastfoe with her when she left.
{never leave home without it!}

Ah, so funny. Thanks for the diversion girls!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Someone Please Convince Me

I seriously need help. Psychological help. I'm driving myself crazy and I can't stop.

(this is where I pause to say that if you read this and you don't want to hear about my periods and other intimate details, stop reading now! Come back later and read a different post.)

What can't I stop you ask? I can't stop thinking (read: wishing/hoping/deluding myself) that I'm pregnant.

Yeah, you heard me right.

No, I don't really have any reason to think I am.


Today is CD 57. Except that I don't really know that it's CD 57 because I have completely screwed up periods. Starting on May 29th I spotted for 12 days. Almost 2 freakin weeks. Never did it actually turn into what I would consider a "true" flow. This is not completely abnormal for me but most cycles I do finally get more than just spotting. Also the long cycle is far from abnormal for me. In my estimation I only get about 7 or 8 periods a year.

On May 15/16/17 (~CD 27) and then again on May 23 (CD 34) I had some fertile CM. (see I told you. you should have stopped reading!) Not a ton but a normal amount for me. And yes, we did it around both those times.

I was all set to just count the two weeks of spotting as my period but... well I don't know. But, that would take away my hope? *sigh*

And Now. Now. I am tired. I am cranky. I am crampy off and on - way down low like period cramps (that I never have btw). My stomach has been feeling just not right for... I'm not sure how long now. A week? But I would definitely not consider it nauseous.

I feel like I'm crazy and I'm making all this up just to give myself a little hope. Oh how very much I want to be pregnant right now. Aren't there such things as psychological pregnancies? A pregnancy only in your head? Completely made up? I think that's more likely to happen than a real one. Real ones don't exist in jill-land.

What's that you say? It's easy to find out - just test? hah.


It may sound crazy but I've seen so many negative tests and wasted so much money, I just can't do it. I can't spend the money. I can't look at another negative test. I've forced myself to give up my pee-stick habit.

My logical side knows I'm not pregnant. Not after 12 years just oops! all of a sudden-like. I got my period for shits sake! Sure it was just spotting but I'm just screwed up like that. I don't have any of the "real" early symptoms like sore bbs, excess saliva, frequent urination, constipation, exhaustion, nausea. I'm almost positive I don't even ovulate at all. How could I be pregnant? I am a fool.

So now I ask myself, what is worse? Should I keep driving myself crazy by agonizing over imaginary symptoms and allowing myself to day dream of all the wonderful things actually being pregnant would mean? Should I suck it up, buy a test, deal with the sadness, and prove to myself that I am indeed not pregnant?

Someone please, please convince me that I'm not pregnant so that I can stop the madness and not have to resort to buying a test.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Week 5 and... I'm a QUITTER.

I haven't gone running since 5/19 and I feel guilty about it. I also feel sad because I really was happy I was going. Not to mention proud of myself.

Week 5 - Day 1 was on 5/15. The instruction was: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes); Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes); Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes); Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes); Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes). I did well. I did not cut any of the jogs short. It was tough but I was easily able to push myself for the longer jogs. I didn't feel quite so uncomfortable as I had been. It's been so long now that I don't remember how far I went but it was at least 6 loops / 1.8 miles.

Week 5 - Day 2 was on 5/17. The instruction was: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes); Walk 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes); Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes). I did much better than I had anticipated on this. Again, I don't remember exactly how far I went but I did all that was required plus an additional 5 minutes "cool down" at the end.

Week 5 - Day 3 was on 5/19. The instruction was: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog two miles (or 20 minutes) with no walking. Holy crap. A 20 min jog ALREADY?? I totally didn't think I could do this. I was prepared to do some sort of version of day 2 over again if I just couldn't hack it. I was sure I wouldn't be able to do it.

But, I DID do it. I jogged for 20 minutes without stopping. Sure, snails and turtles were lapping me but I jogged the entire time!!

I went a total of 1.3 miles jogging and around 2 miles all together with the warm up and cool down walking. I came inside and told R, who was sitting on the couch watching some show on TV that I wished I was watching, that I just jogged 1.3 miles straight! He gave me an obligatory "yay! good job!" I was so proud of myself. I truly never believed I could get to that point.

AND THEN I QUIT *queue needle-being-dragged-off-moving-record noise*

Ugh. I am so annoyed at myself. And, it's proving incredibly hard to get back on the horse.

5/21 was the next day to run and it just happened to be our anniversary (4 years :) I'm planning on posting about this separately!) So, I used the fact that I didn't want to skip out on R on our anniversary night to go running as an excuse. Plus I could go the next night, right? Wrong. 5/22 is R's birthday. I again used the excuse that I shouldn't go out and leave R on this night either. Besides, I could go on Saturday 5/23. Um... nope. We ended up going somewhere special the night of 5/23 to celebrate our anniversary (will post about this too) and I was able to easily justify an excuse not to go yet again.

It just descended from there. Once I start making excuses and procrastinating it's all over. Really, this affects all areas of my life so I'm not surprised it happened. I was doing my best to keep it from happening but then I slipped.

I want to start again. I'm not sure what week I should begin on now that I've had so much time off. I'm not sure when I can pick myself up and force myself to get back out there. Maybe this post will help.

(p.s. Thanks so much to everyone for your comments on my last post. I've been doing pretty well ignoring it so far and I'm sure all the crazy emotions from the news will fade with time.)