Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The WORK Pity Boat Ride

(This is just a bunch of bitching - feel free to skip)

Ugh, I am in such a rut at work. I feel lucky to have a good paying job but arrrggg {frustrated scream} I really hate it right now. I come in to work and just sit here marinating in the fact that I hate being here and hate doing what I have to do. I end up desperately trying to find other things to do to distract me from being miserable and then I'm even more miserable because I didn't do what I needed to do while I was at work. sigh

I can't even figure out exactly why I hate it so much.

Do I hate my boss? Not really - she annoys me sometimes but she is generally nice and understanding. I feel comfortable talking to her about problems and projects alike.

Do I hate doing the tasks I have to do? Not really - I know how to do things pretty well and I know how to figure the things out that I don't know well. The day to day stuff should be easy.

Do I hate time entry? Hell YES. I absolutely hate having to account for every minute of every day. Oh, were you just doing three things at once for the past 36 mins? Ok, figure out how much time to allocate to each thing and write a coherent description for each. IT DRIVES ME INSANE.

Do I hate the hours? Normally, no, but there is always the possibility for the hours to be brutal. Generally my hours are 9ish to 6ish (pm), Mon through Fri. I'd rather start earlier and end earlier but 9-6 isn't that bad. I also have a lot of flexibility. I'm able to come in late without much problem and take hour long lunches if I want and even work from home on occasion. The problem is that people in my position are on call basically 24 hours a day. We are expected to keep an eye on email all day long. If a request comes in at 6pm, too bad, I really should stay to take care of it. I have the possibility of working every single weekend. Sure, I can tell my team that I won't be available on a certain day or a certain weekend but I can't get away with that every time. The fact that I have to be aware of work almost at all times makes it impossible to separate home and work. I feel like I'm at work all the time, even when things are slow. Things have been pretty slow for the last couple months so I've only rarely been doing work at night or on the weekends but the monitoring is still there.

Do I hate the people I work with? Generally, no. There are a few though that annoy the shit out of me. Luckily, lately I haven't been working with those particular people. However, lately I haven't been working with anyone at all really. This leaves me feeling cut off and alone. I'd much rather have a nice balance between working on some things alone and working with a team on other things.

Do I hate my commute? I don't mind working in downtown Albany but the drive to work is ~30 mins which is longer than I'd like. A 30 min commute really isn't bad but it adds an hour to an already 9 (or more) hour work day. I'd just rather be at home. Also, because we have to be gone for 10+ hours a day, and because of River's breed, I don't want him to be alone for that long all 5 days a week. We take him 3 or 4 days a week to a woman who does doggie day-care in her home. This choice adds about 30-45 mins to the commute which really sucks.

Do I hate sitting at a desk for ~9 hours a day? Yep. It's uncomfortable and causes me a considerable amount of pain. My restlessness at work is definitely helped by running though so at least that's less than it used to be.

Feeling this way is really having an impact on my life. I'm stressed and unhappy a lot of the time. If something work related comes up on a weekend, it practically ruins the whole day for me. I just hate having to think about work at all. I delay going to bed on weeknights because I don't want the next morning to come and have to go to work again. This means I stay up really late, don't go to bed with R (which is sad - less cuddle time) and then am really tired the next day (or really late to work when I over sleep to compensate). I feel like everything is totally fucked up right now.

Now I'm going to try to convince myself that there are good things and that I really need to drop this hate.

I'm lucky to have a job at all.
I'm lucky that this job pays really well - especially because it pays much more than I could ever hope to make in another job with my skills/college degree.
I'm lucky that R works at the same job. I get certain special treatment because of this (unblocked internet access for one) that I would not otherwise get. I also know more about the company as a whole from getting to see his perspective which is very different from mine.
I'm lucky because I will probably be able to keep this job for a long time.
I'm lucky that I have my own office with an actual window. (My job before this was in a cubicle farm in the middle of a large office space and I couldn't see any windows at all.)
I'm lucky that most of the people I work with are very nice.
I'm lucky that the job has as much flexibility as it does.

I really need to find a way to snap myself out of this!

I need to just accept work and lose all the hate and stress.


  1. I could have written 90% of this post myself. I feel your pain :(.

    Even when my job isn't so bad, my hatred for it remains...

  2. Oh, I feel your pain too! It's a tough thing to be in a job you're not completely happy with. I've experienced that for a long time since my career/job wasn't one that I planned on being but fell into...then wasn't able to get out of.
    For me, I found that having a hobby on the side, something that I really LOVE doing, has really helped me with my restlessness at work. It doesn't take it away, but it does make it easier for me having a creative outlet when I get home. For me, that was what has kept me going.
    I hope things get better for you!

  3. work just plain SUCKS! I know very few people who would keep doing what they do if money were not a factor. But, the way I try to think of it is (the way I used to try to back when I was working, that is) that the money enables me to have a high quality of life outside work, so when I start to get bummed, I just think of all the things that money (and thus the work I do to earn the money) allows me. Sometimes that helps me to snap out of it, and sometimes not.

    Here's to hoping you are able to focus on those positives, while allowing yourself to recognize the negatives, too. It seems like from this post that you are coming to a pretty good balance on this subject.

  4. I think it makes a job more difficult when you have to basically take it home with you. If you never really have a for sure time when you do not ever have to think about it then you can start to get burnt out. Can you take a few days off to regroup?

    Hope it gets better soon.

  5. I left this sitting in my Google Reader for the last few weeks because I wanted to comment on it. I'm not sure what to say. I don't like my job either. However, I own the freaking company. And I have no clue what I would do if not this. And I have to do something since my husband is unemployed. So I just keep on doing this. It kind of sucks. But I don't know what else to do either.