Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Great Day at the Fair

On Saturday (9/26), C and I went to the Big E. We left our whiny significant others at home so we could thoroughly enjoy ourselves without feeling like we needed to leave early or entertain them :)

And good thing we did because R would have been upset right from the get-go. We waited in traffic for an HOUR in order to make it to the parking area. It was crazily busy that day.
This is us at a complete stand-still.
When we finally arrived we could not wait for some fair food! These are our favorite - fried cheddar cheese curds. YUM. We split an order so we would have room for everything else we wanted to eat!
Then we split an order of some of the best onion rings I've ever had.
The baby animals in the exhibit buildings always draw huge crowds. We had to wiggle our way in to get a shot of these guys. So cute.

There are many little craft booths at this fair. There was one with these miniature lighted buildings with appropriate miniature objects inside. This was was a little pool hall. Fascinating.
Different new england states have their own buildings. Inside the buildings are informational booths, people selling things specific to that state, artsy displays and FOOD. (For example, the Vermont building has a B.en and Jerr.y stand selling ice cream.
The Maine building has a baked potato bar that is incredibly popular. C and I waited in a huge long line for ~20 mins for these...
My absolute favorite ride at fairs is the swings. I, of course, dragged C along for a ride!
The view from the air.
Every year they have a butter sculpture. I've seen these at other fairs as well - like the New York State Fair. The one this year was impressive. You can't really tell from the pic but it is a large sculpture. The tallest tree was probably about 4 to 5 ft tall.
They have all sorts of animals and host many shows.
Loved the colors of this game. I like to play the silly games but usually don't want to waste the money. (hey, I could use that $3 on more food!)

There was a camel in the petting zoo area.
And lots of goats and sheep. We were petting a donkey (not pictured below) that kept knocking over the food dispenser on purpose. It was so cute, like he was trying to tell us to stop petting and start giving him treats already. We complied :)
We ate so much more food - we split a cream puff, and I had a corn dog and some salmon on a stick (sounds gross but it was tasty if you like salmon). We also split some blueberry soda from one of the state buildings. Delicious.

We both bought bags of maple cotton candy to bring home for the guys.

The weather was very nice. It got nice and chilly when the sun went down which is great when you are standing in large groups of people. We stayed until ~9:30pm and made it out without getting stuck in too much traffic (although we did kind of get lost trying to find I90! oops).

We had a blast :)

Friday, September 25, 2009

Week 5 - Day 1, 2, & 3 (The Dreaded 20)

Week 5 – Day 1 instruction: Brisk five-minute warm up walk then: Jog ½ mile (or 5 mins), Walk ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Jog ½ mile (or 5 mins), Walk ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Jog ½ mile (or 5 mins).

Day 1 – 9/17
Run time: 29:30
Run Distance: 1.93 miles
Ave Pace: 15:15/mi

Did 100 crunches but no wall push-ups. (Not sure why I gave up on the push-ups. I keep meaning to do them again.)

It was very cool on this day. My arms were so cold but my core was warm. C and I joke that we’re going to get leg warmers and wear them on our arms as the weather gets colder. What’s that you say? Just buy a long-sleeved shirt?? Um, that would be WAY too easy! ;)

I was hoping to get my magic rhythm back but I don’t think I ever quite got there. It was harder to tell since I was talking to C and that makes me expend more energy too. It wasn’t as easy as week 4, day 6 but it wasn’t bad either. Breathing-wise, I felt pretty good. I did have some very sore leg and butt muscles by the end of the last 5 min jog – youch! Sore muscle pain is no big deal for me though – I can easily push through it with the thought, “yay it hurts because it’s WORKING!” (The toughest things for me are being uncomfortable/fatigued and breathing.)

C said it was about the same difficulty for her as that last day she went (week 4, day 5) but she didn’t have any specific pain – just sore muscles.

Still great on the pain front – go bum knee, go!!

Week 5 – Day 2 instruction: Brisk five-minute warm up walk then: Jog ¾ mile (or 8 mins), Walk ½ mile (or 5 mins), Jog ¾ mile (or 8 mins).

Day 2 – 9/19
Run time: 30:09
Run Distance: 2.00 miles
Ave Pace: 15:05/mi

Did 75 crunches but no wall push-ups.

This day was a big mile-stone for C and I. We are really getting sick/bored of jogging around my neighborhood loop so we have decided to change it up a little. Saturdays are a great day to do this because we have plenty of time to get in the car and go somewhere else.

Day 2 was our very first time jogging somewhere else AND it was our very first time jogging in the daylight (ugh, my eyes! Too bright! grah, YOUR eyes! Don’t look directly at the jiggling!)!

We went to a nearby bike path that is nicely surrounded by trees (not directly next to a busy rd) and is parallel to a river. There were a good number of people around but jogging past people didn’t bother me as much as I thought it might.

It was a beautiful day – cool and breezy. However, never having jogged in the day before, we realized it can get pretty warm while jogging in the sun. (duh.) We used the shady bits to push ourselves when the going got tough – “just get to this next shady area and we are almost done!” The change of scenery was nice, it made time go faster.

I left River at home. He can be obnoxious while walking on a leash with people and other pets around – he wants to sniff them all and get as close to them as possible – so I didn’t want to have to worry about him and worry about jogging at the same time. I do feel bad when I don’t take him, the more experience he gets the better he’ll behave.

We did very well. We had to push ourselves but had no problem jogging for the entire intervals.

After running we went home to shower and then went out again to a spa and got hour-long Swedish massages. It was my bday gift to C. She had never had a massage before. I wish I could have one every day. I LOVE them so much.

Week 5 – Day 3 instruction: Brisk five-minute warm up walk then: Jog 2 miles (or 20 mins), with no walking.

Day 3 – 9/21
Run time: 30:05
Run Distance: 2.02 miles
Ave Pace: 14:55/mi

Did 100 crunches but no wall push-ups. No river on this day either.

Whoa, 20 mins already?!

C didn’t think she could do it. I was a bit more positive as I had done it before in the spring. I told her she would be surprised and that I knew we could do it.

To change it up a bit more, we jogged away from my house to an adjacent neighborhood. It gave us some change of scenery and also made it so we didn’t know how long we had been jogging. Since we’ve been jogging my neighborhood loop for so long, we know how long it takes to go certain distances, which makes the time seem longer.

We had to push like crazy to keep going at the end – it was very challenging.

But we did it!

And we got down below a 15min/mile pace. We were very pleased with ourselves at the end.

I got a cramp in my right lung area in the last min or so of the jog but I kept going and it subsided quickly after jogging was over.

This was the last day I did back in the spring before I quit. I’m not quitting again. I’m determined to get to week 9 and I have C now to push me as well. She actually said after we jogged the 20 mins, “Well you can’t quit again, we’ve come too far.”

And I Totally Agree.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Bad Flow

This post probably won't flow very well. I don't know why but I have a need to make every post as readable as possible. That's one of my big issues with posting, why I don't post as often as I'd like, and why I have to edit so much after I write something. I'm a weird kind of lazy perfectionist I suppose.

I stayed up way too late last night basically for no reason. I have work I NEED to be doing but I'm just having the hardest time actually doing it. I'm avoiding, and day dreaming, and reading blogs, and doing other, less important work. Ugh. Procrastination is a horrible thing.

I feel like crap today too. And not just because I didn't get my normal amount of sleep. I feel so uncomfortable and stressed and anxious. I need to have all my work done and go for a walk or take a nap or something. I don't even want to eat, which is weird for me. Everything sounds bleh right now. I had a piece of mushroom pizza for lunch - it was ok but I should probably have skipped lunch all together.

Filming for the movie started today and I watched several different scenes being shot - car chase(s) - all from my office window. Of course I forgot my camera but I don't think the pics would have been too interesting anyway. It was fun to watch tons of cars all driving backwards down the road to re-set scenes. There was a lot of gun fire and a couple car spin-outs as well (they drive a water truck through and wet down the necessary parts of the road). Pretty interesting stuff.

I now know that being an extra in a movie would be a really boring, tedious job :) Not to say I wouldn't probably jump at the chance but ugh, I watched these people walk the same stretch of sidewalk over and over with long waits in between each take.

The filming lightened up my day but only added to my procrastination.


Now, if you don't wish to hear intimate details about my period - don't read any further! You have been warned.

*we are now boarding the Infertility Pity Boat - please put on your life vests*

I think, at this point, I have basically given up all hope on this baby-making business. I really do.

I have been thinking about this lately and I really don't ever see myself getting pregnant and I no longer feel like anything I do will make me able to conceive (the old fashion way).

In the last year, since Sept 14th 2008, I've had... 6 periods.


They aren't what I would consider "normal" either. Even though I know everyone is different, I don't think these are even in the normal range. My periods are usually extremely light - think, only ever need barely a pantyliner - and can last anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks. Ugh it's so frustrating.

My last one lasted 3 days and was back in July. Right now I'm on CD 62.

How is something not incredibly wrong with me?!

I'm so so so fed up with my body :(

When I was on BC pills I got the heaviest periods ever. I didn't even know they could be so heavy. I cramped like an SOB too. I don't cramp at all normally. I'm obviously far from being a doctor but those facts alone say to me that I don't produce (or can't use) the correct hormones that affect a normal cycle.

Any doctor I've ever been to, even the RE, has told me that I'm too fat and that's why I can't get pregnant. Apart from run of the mill blood tests (which never show a damn thing) no one will bother to look deeper into my issue. It's almost as if I don't matter because I have a crappy BMI.

My only option is to lose weight and dieting affects me mentally. I eat when I'm sad or stressed or bored (or procrastinating other things *grumble*)- not good, I know. This is why I started running. At least it was one of the major reasons. I thought if I could exercise on a regular basis and work on limiting my portions I would at least lose a little.

Well, I've been exercising regularly for 7 weeks now and I've lost NOTHING. Sigh. Just writing about this makes me want to cry.

Ok, I'm done dwelling on this today - back to ignoring it and... procrastinating.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Strange Happenings (and Happy ICLW!)

First I want to say Happy ICLW! :) If this is your first time at my blog, you can learn more about me from reading my timeline (in the side bar) and reading this post that I wrote last month for ICLW.

Now on to the weirdness…


On Friday morning R and I were on our way to work, about to turn left onto a small side street that has access to our parking garage, when an incident occurred. DT Al.bany is a busy place in the mornings – there are a lot of people on the sidewalks and cars all over the place.

There was a truck turning left, from this small side street, on to our street, so R waited for it to turn in front of us before turning (this was not technically the right of way rule but R was being nice and trying to get the truck out of his way).

At the same time, there was a woman with a seeing-eye dog on the sidewalk approaching the crosswalk across this side street. (No walk lights or traffic lights here – the intersection is very small.) I happened to be watching her because I love dogs and dogs being trained for service interest me. I couldn’t tell if she was blind but she probably was - she also seemed to be training the dog (telling it when to stop and when to go).

She got to the crosswalk around the same time as the truck was turning out in front of us. She stopped at the street because if she didn’t, she would have walked right into the truck.

After the truck turned, the road was clear and she could have crossed. By that time we had been waiting to turn for a while and people were backing up behind us. We, of course, waited for her to cross for a while, but she never did. We were blocking traffic and R made the decision to turn, since the woman and her dog were still very much on the sidewalk. My thought at this time was that she was wanting to wait until most of the traffic dissipated (including us).

Unfortunately, as soon as R committed to the turn, and was at the crosswalk, the woman and the dog decided to start crossing.

Bad situation all around. Looking back, for maximum safety, maybe R should have waited in the road until whenever she decided to cross since she was most likely blind and wasn’t able to tell we were there.

But, R made the decision he thought was correct at the time, a decision I probably would have made as well with the available information.

This sounds ominous but nothing bad happened. We went through the crosswalk ahead of her at the same time she and her dog were also in the crosswalk – probably about 10 feet away from us. If we had stopped when we saw her start walking, we would have been right in her way, in the middle of the crosswalk.

That brings us to the “strange” part of the story.

We parked and as we were getting our stuff from the back seat, a car pulled up behind us. He wasn’t parking, just pulled up and stopped in the middle of the driving area of the parking garage.

He had his window rolled down and began yelling at us that we almost hit a blind lady – didn’t we see her?! we created a very dangerous situation!! what kind of terrible people were we?? and on and on… It completely surprised us and we are both not ones to roll over and show our bellies to people being assholes for no reason. We yelled right back that he had no reason to be confronting us. Finally, I told him to move along since he was holding up traffic behind him by then. He rolled his eyes at us, but he moved along.

We thought that was the end of it. But, as we were crossing the street outside the parking garage to our building the same guy runs (literally) up behind us, confronts R and calls him a “fat f*ck”.

We start yelling at him again to leave us alone and mind his own business. I asked him why he thought he needed to confront strangers because he thought they made a mistake – “You’ve never made any mistakes??” He said “DID I SAY THAT!?” I yelled that he was a self righteous asshole.

He was very physical, and while he never touched either of us, we could both tell he wanted to. He was right in R’s face, as close as possible without touching, and he kept shoving his finger at me like he wanted to push me. It was all bizarre. I am NOT afraid of people like this and I yell right back. Maybe not so great to do, especially if he was violent but that’s just how I am.

The guy followed us into our building (we think he might work here too) and kept arguing with us until we got in the elevator. Most of what was said is all a blur of adrenaline now. As we got in the elevator, the arguing was dying down (it was mostly just between him and me at that point) and I told him that I hoped he wasn’t going to be an asshole for the rest of his life. And as the elevator doors were closing, I told him, in a calm voice, that we really felt sorry for him. I wanted this guy to feel bad that he caused conflict about something that was in no way his business. And I do feel sorry for him on some level – he must be a very sad/angry person to want to start shit with total strangers over something that had nothing to do with him.

Seriously? What did he expect to accomplish by yelling at people who were involved in an unfortunate situation? R is a very good driver and would never have done anything to put this woman in danger. Sometimes close calls just happen. I’m obviously still angry at this guy because writing this out made me want to yell at him some more. I can’t help thinking about what this guy wanted us to do? Say we were sorry… to him?? I just don’t know.


There is going to be some disruption here in DT Alb.any starting this week.

C.olumbia Pic.tures is apparently shooting some of a movie here and will be closing various streets all around our building from 7am – 7pm off and on for the next couple weeks. If you are interested in this type of thing you can read the little blurb they sent to us here.

While this has the potential to be very annoying, it also has the potential to be very exciting/interesting. One street that will be closed off is the main street right outside my office window. I’m hoping I get some good views :)

I’m going to start bringing my camera to work just in case.

(and hey, maybe jerkface will confront us again and I can snap his pic and post it all over the internet! hah)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Week 4 - Day 4, 5, & 6 (Rhythm Revelation)

C and I both agreed that we would re-do week 4 again. We just weren't ready to move on to week 5 because the last day of week 5 is jogging for 20 min with no walking. *gasp*

Week 4 instruction recap: Brisk five-minute warm up walk then: Jog ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 secs), Jog ½ mile (or 5 mins), Walk ¼ mile (or 2 ½ mins), Jog ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 secs), Jog ½ mile (or 5 mins)

Day 4 – 9/10
Run time: 30:01
Run Distance: 1.94 miles
Ave Pace: 15:28/mi

Did 100 crunches but no wall push-ups.

It was very chilly on day 4. C even wore some extra layers but I was fine. My arms are what gets cold first and I hardly noticed.

This day was very trying. I was in the "ugh I'm never going to make it through all the jogs" mentality and really had to push or try to zone out and not think about the fact that I couldn't breath in order to make it to the end. All the while C was doing great. She was pulling ahead in every jogging interval and ended up wayyy out in front of me by the end of the last 5 min interval. I don't mind when she does this, we both have to go at our own pace, but it definitely discouraged me a little. I have at least 70 lbs on her so it's only reasonable to expect that she will progress faster than I will. She didn't say anything to me at the time but she went home that night and told her fiance that she really pushed herself and that she thought she was improving. Her improving is great - it means she will be more into going again and it will all contribute to our motivation.

Day 5 – 9/12
Run time: 30:39
Run Distance: 1.95 miles
Ave Pace: 15:42/mi

Did 75-100 crunches (I lost count because I was trying to talk to C at the same time) and 45 wall push-ups in sets of 15 (with stretching in between each set).

Day 5 was much warmer than chilly day 4. It had been off and on raining all day so the ground was wet and it was humid - bleh. Not good outdoor running conditions. This day absolutely SUCKED and was very discouraging. We both were having a difficult time pushing ourselves to keep going. C's legs were hurting her (I think she might have pushed herself too hard on day 4). I completed all the jogging intervals (hating every single second of it!) but C walked about 45 secs in the middle of the last 5 min jog.

We aren't even sure why it was so bad. I was so fatigued - no idea why - and C was in pain.

Day 6 – 9/14
Run time: 33:54
Run Distance: 2.21 miles
Ave Pace: 15:23/mi

Did 100 crunches and I forgot to write it down but I don't think I did any wall push-ups.

On Day 6, C instant messaged me and told me her legs were still hurting and she was feeling crappy so she was going to skip running. I was totally fine with it. I really don't want her to hurt herself so if she needs a bit longer of a recovery period that's cool with me. Weirdly, I never, not even once!, thought of skipping too. I'm very proud of this. In fact, as soon as I got home I changed from my work clothes into my jogging clothes to give myself even less of a reason not to go.

I had read earlier that day that positive thinking really goes a long way with running so I decided to try it. I'm usually a big complainer, especially when C is with me. I started out my warm up telling myself that I was going to do better. That I was going to do well and make it easily to the end. I have no idea if this actually helped but I plan to continue this positive thinking!!

The weather was perfect - not chilly, not warm, not humid, with a slight breeze. So nice.

I took River out with me while I was putting on my shoes and amazingly he pooed, so I decided to take him along. (He eats dinner right before and it is inevitable that if I take him and he hasn't gone already, he will. I have not been taking him at all because I am unwilling to stop while he poos in someone's yard and then finish exercising while holding a bag of poo - yuck.) I ended up keeping him with me the entire time and he did awesome, walking right beside me most of the time.

Usually the warm up is fast walking once around the neighborhood loop. This takes about 5 mins 30 secs. I had been telling C I think we should add some jogging to our warm up and she agreed. I jogged until I was breathing a bit faster, then slowed down to walk, and did this over and over, making the warm up 5 mins even.

The first 3 min and 5 min jogging interval were ok. Not horrible but I was definitely struggling to catch my breath by the end of both.

Then, something amazing happened.

Something I can only describe as "finding my rhythm". On the second 3 min jog interval I happened to jog at a pace that was perfect for me. I was breathing hard and sweating but I was not gasping to catch my breath! It was really unbelievable. I've been doing this now for 6 weeks (and this spring for 9 weeks) and never once had this ever happened before. I felt like I could have kept jogging like that forever. I finished the interval and thought "holy crap, was that just a fluke?" I believed it was but I was definitely wishing to repeat it.

And I did.

I found the magical pace on the second 5 min jog interval as well. I had no problem jogging the whole time and again felt like I could just keep going forever. It was the first time in this whole experience so far that I really could see myself doing this long term and not dreading every minute of it. I was so happy that I walked a bit further for a cool down than normal (which is why my distance is greater than it has been before).

Day 6 was a hugely rewarding experience. I actually enjoyed jogging for about 10 mins of my life! :)

Tonight is the start of week 5. Day 1 is really not that much of an increase so I'm looking forward to it. I'm really hoping I can find that magical pace again and that it all wasn't just in my head...

If you are a runner, have you ever experienced anything similar?

Monday, September 14, 2009

Feelings, Fruit, and Forgetting

Everyday, when faced with work, I want to throw a tantrum. I want to throw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming and yelling “I don’t want to do this! Noooooo! I’m not listening to you!! You can’t make me! I’m not going to do it!” Wahhhhhhhh

But I can’t do that. I’m not 3, I’m 33. I have to have a job to pay for my car, and my house, and my pets, and my food, and my clothes. I don’t want to be an adult but I have to be. I have no choice.

But I DO. I do have a choice.

I choose to drive a car, live in my nice house, and buy the things I want to buy, when I want to buy them.

I should just be able to choose to be happy and not stressed, too. Sadly, all too often, my mind does things I don’t want. Sometimes I feel out of control. I can think logically but I FEEL incorrectly. I feel sad or irritated or stressed or anxious when I know I really have no reason to.

--> I love R but I snap at him and act like a bitch.

--> I am sitting at home relaxing while watching TV on a Sunday night but at the same time completely stressed out at the thought of having to go to work the next morning.

--> I am sitting in a theatre watching an entertaining movie, or taking a shower, or eating at a restaurant, and feel like something is WRONG. The whole world is slightly off.

Can you choose to stop feelings like that? I wish I knew how.


We went apple picking yesterday. It was a beautiful day – crisp air and slightly cloudy, like rain was a few hours away. Apples were 50 cents a lb and I bought somewhere between 6 and 8 lbs of them. Yum.

Of course, as soon as C and I got there, got our bags, started walking toward the trees, I grabbed C’s arm and said, “Crap! I forgot to bring the camera!”

I’m going to make applesauce. Maybe I’ll take pics of that ;)


There was something else I wanted to write about but I can’t remember now… I have to get some work done *trying to squash brewing tantrum* and then I’m leaving.

Before 6 damnit.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Week 4 - Day 1, 2, & 3 (Small Improvements)

Week 4 instruction: Brisk five-minute warm up walk then: Jog ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 secs), Jog ½ mile (or 5 mins), Walk ¼ mile (or 2 ½ mins), Jog ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 secs), Jog ½ mile (or 5 mins).
Day 1 – 9/3
Run time: 30:34
Run Distance: 1.92 miles
Ave Pace: 15:55/mi

Also did 100 crunches and 45 wall push-ups (in sets of 15 with stretching in between each) on this day after the post-run stretching.

It warmed up a bit from last week but still a very manageable temp.

Thank goodness this day was MUCH better than the last days of week 3. That made me feel a bit better. Bumping up to the 5 min jogs was easier than I thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong, the 5 mins were difficult and unpleasant but C and I were able to push through them without thinking of giving up. Had hardly any pain at all.

Day 2 – 9/5
Run time: 30:30
Run Distance: 2.02 miles
Ave Pace: 15:07/mi

Did 100 crunches but no wall push-ups.

This day was the same temp as day 1, warmer but not too bad. Difficulty about the same as day 1 as well. I started to get a stitch in my left lung area during the first 3 min jog but it went away during the first 5 min jog. C was experiencing a lot of pain on this day – she said thigh and calf pain. I worry ‘cause I don’t want her to hurt herself but I have to trust her to know her own limits I guess. I always ask her about her pain and talk about ways she could do things differently. I think she needs a new pair of running shoes because she is using my really old sneakers currently. But, knowing her, she won’t buy any until she is forced to.

Day 3 – 9/8
Run time: 30:01
Run Distance: 1.96 miles
Ave Pace: 15:18/mi

I forgot to write any notes for this day but I think it was about the same difficulty for me as the other two – unpleasant but doable. I did do the 100 crunches but again, no wall push-ups.

C usually pulls ahead of me in the jogging intervals and then I either run a bit longer to catch up or she walks really slow to let me catch up. On day 3 she was still pulling ahead a bit but on the last jog interval she had to stop and walk for a bit. That was one of the only times I’ve ever gotten ahead of her. She recovered and then jogged the rest.

Overall, we weren’t ready to move on to week 5 but week 4 (day 1, 2, & 3) was definitely better than the last week. I’m not as discouraged as I was.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The WORK Pity Boat Ride

(This is just a bunch of bitching - feel free to skip)

Ugh, I am in such a rut at work. I feel lucky to have a good paying job but arrrggg {frustrated scream} I really hate it right now. I come in to work and just sit here marinating in the fact that I hate being here and hate doing what I have to do. I end up desperately trying to find other things to do to distract me from being miserable and then I'm even more miserable because I didn't do what I needed to do while I was at work. sigh

I can't even figure out exactly why I hate it so much.

Do I hate my boss? Not really - she annoys me sometimes but she is generally nice and understanding. I feel comfortable talking to her about problems and projects alike.

Do I hate doing the tasks I have to do? Not really - I know how to do things pretty well and I know how to figure the things out that I don't know well. The day to day stuff should be easy.

Do I hate time entry? Hell YES. I absolutely hate having to account for every minute of every day. Oh, were you just doing three things at once for the past 36 mins? Ok, figure out how much time to allocate to each thing and write a coherent description for each. IT DRIVES ME INSANE.

Do I hate the hours? Normally, no, but there is always the possibility for the hours to be brutal. Generally my hours are 9ish to 6ish (pm), Mon through Fri. I'd rather start earlier and end earlier but 9-6 isn't that bad. I also have a lot of flexibility. I'm able to come in late without much problem and take hour long lunches if I want and even work from home on occasion. The problem is that people in my position are on call basically 24 hours a day. We are expected to keep an eye on email all day long. If a request comes in at 6pm, too bad, I really should stay to take care of it. I have the possibility of working every single weekend. Sure, I can tell my team that I won't be available on a certain day or a certain weekend but I can't get away with that every time. The fact that I have to be aware of work almost at all times makes it impossible to separate home and work. I feel like I'm at work all the time, even when things are slow. Things have been pretty slow for the last couple months so I've only rarely been doing work at night or on the weekends but the monitoring is still there.

Do I hate the people I work with? Generally, no. There are a few though that annoy the shit out of me. Luckily, lately I haven't been working with those particular people. However, lately I haven't been working with anyone at all really. This leaves me feeling cut off and alone. I'd much rather have a nice balance between working on some things alone and working with a team on other things.

Do I hate my commute? I don't mind working in downtown Albany but the drive to work is ~30 mins which is longer than I'd like. A 30 min commute really isn't bad but it adds an hour to an already 9 (or more) hour work day. I'd just rather be at home. Also, because we have to be gone for 10+ hours a day, and because of River's breed, I don't want him to be alone for that long all 5 days a week. We take him 3 or 4 days a week to a woman who does doggie day-care in her home. This choice adds about 30-45 mins to the commute which really sucks.

Do I hate sitting at a desk for ~9 hours a day? Yep. It's uncomfortable and causes me a considerable amount of pain. My restlessness at work is definitely helped by running though so at least that's less than it used to be.

Feeling this way is really having an impact on my life. I'm stressed and unhappy a lot of the time. If something work related comes up on a weekend, it practically ruins the whole day for me. I just hate having to think about work at all. I delay going to bed on weeknights because I don't want the next morning to come and have to go to work again. This means I stay up really late, don't go to bed with R (which is sad - less cuddle time) and then am really tired the next day (or really late to work when I over sleep to compensate). I feel like everything is totally fucked up right now.

Now I'm going to try to convince myself that there are good things and that I really need to drop this hate.

I'm lucky to have a job at all.
I'm lucky that this job pays really well - especially because it pays much more than I could ever hope to make in another job with my skills/college degree.
I'm lucky that R works at the same job. I get certain special treatment because of this (unblocked internet access for one) that I would not otherwise get. I also know more about the company as a whole from getting to see his perspective which is very different from mine.
I'm lucky because I will probably be able to keep this job for a long time.
I'm lucky that I have my own office with an actual window. (My job before this was in a cubicle farm in the middle of a large office space and I couldn't see any windows at all.)
I'm lucky that most of the people I work with are very nice.
I'm lucky that the job has as much flexibility as it does.

I really need to find a way to snap myself out of this!

I need to just accept work and lose all the hate and stress.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Week 3 – Day 4, 5, & 6 (Why isn’t this getting easier?)

Week 3 instruction: Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then do two repetitions of the following: Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds), Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds), Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes), Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)

Day 4 – 8/27
Run time: 25:30
Run Distance: 1.61 miles
Ave Pace: 15:50/mi

Day 5 – 8/30
Run time: 30:47
Run Distance: 1.89 miles Ave Pace: 16:15/mi

Day 6 – 9/1
Run time: 26:03
Run Distance: 1.60 miles
Ave Pace: 16:18/mi

C (my sister) and I repeated week 3 this past week. We can do all of the required running intervals but all three days really sucked. It was nice and cool, almost chilly on day 3, so it definitely wasn’t the weather. We didn’t want to go on any of the days but it is much easier to go when we both are accountable to each other. I felt mostly tired and uncomfortable each day, ranging from ok at the beginning to “ugh, I’m gonna die” at the end.

The third day my right knee and shin really started to hurt by the end of the last run. I pushed through though so it couldn’t have been too bad. That night my knee was not feeling good at all but it was almost completely better by the next day.

On Day 3 I upped my crunches to 100 and my wall push-ups to 40. I read recently to stretch between sets of push-ups so I’m going to change it to sets of 15 with a stretch in between.

I’m annoyed that this past week sucked so much. It's really discouraging.

I went back and read my archives from this spring and it seems that this same number of weeks in (which was week 2.1 last time) was pretty bad for me then as well. Maybe there is something to that. I dunno…

Tonight we start Week 4. I hope it gets better soon.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Weekend Wedding

Being at work after a long weekend or vacation always sucks. I’m not busy at all but I sure don’t want to be here.

Let’s focus on the positive, shall we?

We had a really nice, long weekend. We took off Friday and Monday (yesterday) from work in order to attend a friend’s wedding out of state.

On Friday we dropped River off at the dog-sitter and set off a little after 12pm for OH. It is a 7.5 hour trip. We do well on road trips. I really like road trips but have noticed a little car sickness coming on in the past few years. I don’t like getting older. I just try to ignore it. It’s the worst when I’m trying to alternate between reading and looking outside over and over. Like reading a map and navigating. Urp. Bleh.

We took R’s car so he ended up driving the whole way. I did offer to drive but it never happened. I am a better passenger and he is a better driver anyway, so it works out. In my world the passenger is supposed to shuffle things around in the car for the driver and be alert if the driver needs help. An empty food wrapper? Here, let me take that! I’m good at this… R, not so much. I have to ask him to do things for me when I drive. I know it’s not just in my head because when I drive with my sister she is always right on top of all the passenger duties. Maybe it’s a woman thing ;)

Friday night we got to OH, checked into our hotel (which was nice; we could see the water from our window), and met a couple friends for dinner. It was delicious and the service was great. I started with an awesome french onion soup. (Oddly, I’ve been craving onions lately… when I was a kid I hated them, then I graduated to an indifference to them, and now I love them.) Onion rings were also ordered. They were the thick kind and, even though I prefer thin ones, they were good. The salads were good, with a light herb vinaigrette. My main course was a perfectly cooked, medium-rare, peppercorn crusted steak with a chardonnay sauce and cheddar mashed potatoes. Mmmmmmm

Needless to say, we ate way too much.

That night R slept very little because he forgot to bring a fan (he has to have background noise to sleep and it drives me crazy). Poor guy :/ The bed was pretty comfortable though.

Saturday the wedding was not until 6pm. We had time to kill so we slowly got ready and went for a walk out around the hotel and down to the water (Lake Erie). It wasn’t a beach or anything but I loved being by a large body of water again. It’s so calming looking out at the waves and shimmery water and breathing in the air. Someday I’m going to own a house on a big lake or by the ocean…
Some people were flying this gigantic kite using the wind that was blowing in off the water. It was impressive.

After the walk we went back to eat lunch at the hotel restaurant. We were the only ones in there. We expected it to suck but we were pleasantly surprised! Slightly expensive but good food and good service – lucky us! We hung around and watched TV a bit, got ready, and then headed out to the wedding.
The wedding was at a botanical gardens place and the setting was just beautiful. The weather was great too, sunny but not too hot. It must have been an expensive wedding. The bride looked lovely, everything was wonderfully planned, and the food was yummy. They served iced tea and lemonade in wine glasses while we were waiting for the ceremony to start. Very nice touch.

After the ceremony, while the wedding party had pics taken, we were served drinks and apps in a courtyard area. I snagged a melon lemonade which was just lemonade and M.idori but was really tasty and refreshing. I never passed up an app offer so by the end I was feeling quite gluttonous… ahh well!

The reception hall was decorated beautifully. Dinner was buffet-style with a mediterranean side and an asian side. Both were delicious (I'm not a picky eater, can you tell? haha). The wedding cake was pretty and banana-caramel flavor. Not what I would have picked but it was very good.

R was ready to go around 10:30pm so we hugged the bride and said our good-byes. It was a very nice evening. I’m so happy everything turned out so lovely for her wedding.

Now she is in HI and I’m really jealous! :)

Saturday night R slept much better because the hotel delivered a fan to our room.

Sunday we went to breakfast at the same hotel restaurant and it was very good – fresh fruit, hot oatmeal with brown sugar, eggs, bacon, potatoes, pancakes, pastries, bagels. We headed out around 11am and were back at our house before 7pm.

I took C with me after that to pick up River so we could chat about all the wedding details. C has been engaged for over a year now and is planning her own wedding for next May so she was interested in hearing about it all. When we got back we went running.

Monday we went to watch the horse races. I had never been before. We lost every single bet we made but it was still fun. It was more carnival-y than I had imagined. I’m not sure I’d be pushing to go again any time soon but I’m glad I got to see what it was like.

It really was a great 4 day weekend / mini-vacation. Our next vacation (week-long) is in October. It can’t get here soon enough but at the same time I’m trying not to wish away autumn.

Work is almost over! I can’t wait to go home.