Week 4 - Day 3 and other stuff

I'll definitely be repeating week 4. No doubt about it.

I went out for day 3 on Monday (5/4) and it was difficult. I took River with me. I jogged and walked for all the intervals, doing 6 loops / 1.8 miles all together. I'm able to push myself to keep going without much issue but boy does it SUCK while I'm out there. I felt very uncomfortable. Not pain specifically, just uncomfortable with how my body was behaving. I don't really know how to explain it.

For some reason I've been feeling really blah for a few days now and it's killing my motivation. I don't want to do anything at all. Don't want to go to work, don't want to cook or clean or take care of the animals. Don't want to go to bed. Don't want to wake up in the morning (though this is not new... I'm NOT a morning person). Don't want to shower or get dressed or brush my hair. Don't even want to do anything fun. I feel like I've gained 10 lbs (I haven't) and I'm completely uncomfortable in my own skin. If I were 4, I'd throw myself on the ground kicking and screaming until I wore myself out and fell asleep.

No, I don't have PMS. Today is CD 18 - if I were a normal-cycle person, I'd have just ovulated or would be ovulating soon. I probably won't have PMS for at least another month...

I was planning on going running tonight but I just didn't feel like it. I have one "slacker" day per week to indulge myself before I feel too guilty. Tomorrow will be week 4.1 - day 1. I really hope I feel better by tomorrow night so it's not so much of a struggle.

In other news:

R's grandmother is still alive. Her kidneys have failed and her lungs are slowly filling up with fluid. The doctors still say it could be any time. R's mother has been with her almost non-stop at the hospital for over 4 days now. She barely gets any sleep, napping for an hour or two at a time in the waiting room chairs.

R is having a hard time sleeping as well. He's a crappy sleeper to begin with but the added stress of this situation is making it a lot worse. I do feel bad for him; however, I completely don't understand sleep issues. I almost never have trouble sleeping, I fall asleep easily, I can stay asleep through just about anything, and I can sleep for hours upon hours, even in the day time. Because of this I can't understand sleep issues of other people. It seems so simple to me - just lay down, close your eyes, and don't think of anything stressful. Logically I know that it's not that easy. So, I feel like a bad person when others are dealing with sleep issues. I should have more compassion.

Tonight I made chicken noodle casserole from scratch. I have always used condensed soup to make it in the past but I wanted to try without. It came out pretty well. I usually don't do well "winging it" in the kitchen and this was definitely a very vague recipe so I consider it a victory.

On Monday, C (my youngest sister) and I spent all night baking cookies. We baked three batches; one each of chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies w/ dried cherries, and black & whites. They were all delicious. I gave most of them away the next day, along with a bunch of drinks/sodas, to the dept at work that helped me recently with my crazy project as a "thank you". C also took a bunch home with her and I still have 1 black & white, a few oatmeal, and some unbaked chocolate chip cookie dough left over - we made way too much!

I really should go to bed but I don't want to. I could just stay sitting here on the couch, in a dark living room, staring at my laptop screen. R is currently snoring and I don't want to go in because I will wake him up. Maybe I'll wait for him to wake himself up again and then sneak in when he's already mostly awake.