Monday, October 26, 2009

My Weekend and An Upcoming Appt

R is traveling for work. He left on Sat (10/24) morning and he'll be home later today. This marks the longest I've been home alone without him. There have been nights when he's had to work, or a weekend day when he was gone and I was home, but I'm usually the one who does the traveling. I travel to NYC for work (though I haven't now since early this year) for multiple days or I go off to visit my grandma and leave for the weekend.

Two nights by myself in our king size bed was weird!

However, I don't mind. I like to be by myself every once in a while and being at home alone for 2 days/2 nights was kind of like "playing house", except opposite. Instead of "playing house" with a "mommy" and a "daddy", I was "playing house" as a bachelorette ;)

Don't get me wrong, I missed R like crazy and can't wait for him to be home tonight so I can give him a kiss and a snuggle!

Of course, I wasn't really alone. River was with me almost every single moment. Velcro-dog that he is. And, C came over for a while on both Sat and Sun.

But at night, I was alone. I pottied the dog, fed the cats, got ready for bed, made sure the house was in night lock-down, and went to sleep... alone. Reading back, this seems silly and like no big deal. I guess it's just the fact that it almost never happens so it was a little adventure.

And I only freaked myself out listening to weird noises a few times! hehe


C and I had a very nice weekend. On Sat we decided to make a big dinner so we hunted through recipes, made a shopping list, and went shopping. It was rainy all day which = one very bored dog, so I took Riv with us in the car.

We decided on an herb roasted pork loin with onions, apples, and squash. It was delicious. I don't have the recipe with me (it's from a magazine) and I can't find it online or else I'd link to it. The pork was sort of "dry rubbed" with nutmeg, garlic, and sage, then browned in butter and roasted in the oven to finish it off. The apples, onions, and squash were put together with some garlic and honey mustard and baked. There were some things we'd tweek a little if we made it again but it was a very yummy recipe.

We also made spaetzle for a side dish from this recipe. I had never heard of spaetzle before (apparently neither has blogger!) and had just seen it that morning on a foo.d netw.ork show. I love trying new things and it looked like fun to make. It turned out well - like an eggy homemade pasta in butter. yum. I will definitely be making it again. Suggestion: if you try making this, when you remove them from the boiling water, put them in a strainer first, then into the buttered bowl. At first I was getting a lot of excess water in my bowl, even though I was shaking off as much water as I could.

There were big plans to make a pumpkin banana tart for dessert but there was too much food as it was.

We watched Mama Mia while we ate. Very girlie (imo) but I love musicals (and so does C) so it was enjoyed. Funny thing - the main character is named "Sophie" and maybe half way through I turned to C and said "awww Sophie/Sophia is such a cute name!" (C and I talk baby names sometimes) and C shoots me this just slightly worried look. So I said "oh, was that one of your baby names?" and she said "yeah...". Hah poor girl probably thought I was going to steal it from her. Not that she has anything to worry about. Who me? Have a baby? um, not.

On Sun we got together again and made these oatmeal cookies. They are so good! I'm eating one right now (just ate leftovers from Sat's dinner for lunch!) I really like crispy cookies and the orange zest in this recipe adds something really nice. We also went for a hike with River. It was chilly but a really nice day. Ahh autumn... I wish it could stay colorful and crisp outside and just not turn into winter.

I also got laundry done and a whole mess of dishes (since there were dirties before we even started all our crazy cooking! and now there are only a few). It was a very nice weekend.


So, I POAS this morning. It, of course, was negative. I already knew it would be but I'm a special kind of crazy and I hadn't peed on something since June! haha

Seriously though, I looked back at my FF logs and I haven't had much more than spotting for over a year now. The last day I was able to guess was "CD1" was in July. I am so very broken. I watch those "I didn't know I was pregnant!!" shows and alternate from thinking to myself, "wow, how the heck could that even happen?" to "shit, that could totally happen to me!" No period for months on end? normal. Fatigue? normal. Fluttering/pokes in abdomen? eh, intestinal issues. Cramps? who the f knows. Weight gain? normal (see above weekend food orgy).

If I didn't POAS every once in a while I swear (if some sort of freak miracle occurred), I could end up on that show!

Because of all this, a few weeks ago I made a gyn appt at a new-to-me fertility/gyn clinic. It is for this Wed morning. The place is related to the fertility clinic I went to in the spring of '08 but this one is a non-fertility related gyn in addition to the fertility stuff. The big fertility place was all about getting me pregnant and not about figuring out what's wrong. I want to be pregnant more than anything but ART is not for us right now (and maybe ever). I want them to help me figure out why I barely ever get a period and why (I think) I don't ovulate.

I'm assuming nothing of any value will come from this appt. I'm jaded and I don't believe doctors can solve any of my issues. I've seen doctors for many different things and have been let down so many times. But with a new place comes new possibilities so... maybe it could be the start of something good.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Bloggy Award and Playing "Catch-up"

Yeesh, I've been away for a while. I'm so late with this but I was tagged for a blog award by Flying Monkeys and Justina. Thanks so much you two! You are both my very first taggers ;)

I can't for the life of me figure out how to get the award pic to show up in this post but the link to it is:

Rules for the Over The Top Award:
- USE ONLY ONE WORD! It’s not as easy as you might think. Copy and change the answers to suit yourself and pass it on. It’s really hard to use only one-word answers so try your best. (I totally agree with Flying Monkeys - parenthetical thoughts don't count!)

- Tag 6 other bloggers and let them know that you think they are 'Over the Top'!

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2.Your hair? frizzy
3. Your mother? unforgiven
4. Your father? dead
(4a. Your father ('cause I have two)? microbiologist)
5. Your favorite food? thanksgiving
6. Your dream last night? forgotten
7. Your favorite drink? water
8. Your dream/goal? sahm
9. What room are you in? office
10. Your hobby? jogging
11. Your fear? vomit
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something that you aren’t? thin
15. Muffins? yum!
16. Wish list item? baby
17. Where did you grow up? MA
18. Last thing you did? emailed
19. What are you wearing? glasses
20. Your TV? timesink
21. Your pets? messy
22. Friends? missed
23. Your life? frustrating
24. Your mood? stressed
25. Missing someone? always
26. Vehicle? silver
27. Something you’re not wearing? watch
28. Your favorite store? Williamsb.urg (this is not a store, it's the town in which my favorite store is)
29. Your favorite color? many (I don't really have just one - I like bright colors and earth tones. If you assumed from my clothes the answer would be brown.)
30. When was the last time you laughed? yesterday
31. Last time you cried? yesterday
32. Your best friend? R
33. One place that I go to over and over? work :(
34. One person who emails me regularly? blogger (ok, so that's not really a person)
35. Favorite place to eat? anywhere!

I tag the following people (and I promise I won't be offended if you don't play along, especially because I'm not sure if any of these people have been tagged for this already):
IF Optimist
kate (Bee in the Bonnet)
Journey Girl
Kate (Living the Dream)
Kate (The Waiting Room; also, she could also use some hugs if you want to stop by her blog)

Hah I know a lot of Kates in blogland apparently!


I'm still jogging. We just finished week 8 and are going to start week 8 over again tonight. I have two weeks of updates to post. But I haven't quit yet! Just had to put that out there! Our goal day of completing the entire thing is set to be Nov 2nd.

I got some comments on my last post praising me on my motivation. Thanks so much to all of you for the compliment but... Seriously? What motivation?? I really don't feel like I have any motivation at all. Which makes me think, maybe I'm wrong. I suppose I could just not be going out there three times a week. But, all I can think about is that I should be doing BETTER or doing it MORE OFTEN. I dunno...

On most days I have to literally drag myself out there kicking and screaming. I hate going. It hurts, it's so crappy to feel like that for a half hour. But then, afterwards, I feel good. It's so odd. If I didn't have my first goal of getting all the way through this 9 week program I would have quit long ago. Just knowing that it feels good afterwards is not enough to get me out there. C is a huge part of why I haven't given up yet. She is working towards our goal too so on the days one of us is throwing a tantrum (usually me) the other one helps motivate. I might be still doing this if she wasn't going with me, but probably not.

I have a blogging problem. I read too many blogs (and try to comment as much as I can) to actually update my own blog on a regular basis. I obviously can't read blogs/write posts all day long and I'm having trouble finding a nice balance. Every day I think about posting, but then I end up only reading others' blog posts and then the day is over.

I also have a problem blogging about bad things. I have before but I think really letting it all hang out (so to speak) would be helpful for me. For whatever reason, when I'm really upset, I don't want to hash it all out again. Shame? Denial? I really have no idea.


I've been feeling really crazy lately. Work is making me lose my mind. The problem is, I don't think it's this job in particular. I think it's just any job mixed with my mental stability. I'm not a good enough writer to explain this well but, most times, when I'm at work, I feel like I just can't handle it all anymore. Stress, anxiety, fear, sadness, restlessness - something is making me go absolutely bonkers at work (and at home when thinking about work). It's not fun and it's making R crazy too having to watch me freak out over and over. I'm thinking about looking for a therapist/counselor/psychologist.

Last week R and I took a week off from work. I felt really happy most of the week. I thought it might help with my craziness but as soon as I got in on Monday, I fell apart again.


We didn't do anything specific for our vacation. We got some things done that would be harder to do while working. We both went and got eye exams and new glasses - something I haven't done in two years (even longer for R). I cleaned out half of our garage. We hung around and watched TV, played computer games, and just enjoyed not working. It was nice. I wish I could be on vacation forever! :)


Hmm I have blogging back-up here and there is much more to say but this is getting really long.

Happy ICLW! If you are here reading my blog for the first time and got hit with this post... oops! sorry :)

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Week 6 - Day 4, 5, & 6 (More Rain)

I think this will be a rather quick update - I didn't take many notes for these days.

This past week work has been crazy and I've had to curb my blogging to compensate. I probably didn't curb it quite as much as I should have. Anyway, I was tagged by two different people in the last couple days for my very first blog award (thanks you two!) and I promise I'll get to it very soon.

Week 6 – Day 4 instruction: Brisk five-minute warm up walk then: Jog ½ mile (or 5 mins), Walk ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Jog ¾ mile (or 8 mins), Walk ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Jog ½ mile (or 5 mins).

Day 4 – 10/1
Run time: 33:47
Run Distance: 2.20 miles
Ave Pace: 15:23/mi

Did 110 crunches but don't remember if I did wall push-ups - probably not. Went to the big loop neighborhood and didn't take River.

We thought this day would be a piece of cake since the last day was jogging 25 mins straight which went well. We were wrong. It proved to be fairly tough for us but we made it through.

Week 6 – Day 5 instruction: Brisk five-minute warm up walk then: Jog 1 mile (or 10 mins), Walk ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Jog 1 mile (or 10 mins).

Day 5 – 10/3
Run time: 18:23
Run Distance: 1.28 miles
Ave Pace: 14:20/mi

No clue if I did any crunches on this day - I don't think so.

Notice anything wrong with the above stats? Yep. This was the first day in 8.5 weeks that we threw in the towel. Or, more like, grabbed a towel.

We noticed lightning while we were doing the 5 min warm up. C was worried but I shrugged it off. It seemed only slightly cloudy out, no big deal. We went out to the big loop neighborhood (was that thunder accompanying the lightning? uh oh.), got about half way through the first 10 min jog and it started raining. sigh. Neither of us was up for getting completely soaked again and it wasn't just a sprinkle. We jogged the rest of the 10 mins but started making our way back to the house. It kept raining harder so we jogged about half of the 3 min walk time. That got us all the way back home, we came inside (about half wet), stretched and called it a night.

Week 6 – Day 6 instruction: Brisk five-minute warm up walk then: jog 2-1/4 miles (or 25 minutes) with no walking.

Day 6 – 10/5
Run time: 31:48
Run Distance: 2.11 miles
Ave Pace: 15:03/mi

Did 110 crunches but no wall push ups and didn't take River with us.

This day was tougher than our last 25 min jog but we made it jogging the whole time. It didn't even rain - amazing.

Overall, this week was basically pain free besides normal muscle soreness. The pain in my right calf that began after week 6, day 3 improved through-out the week and was not much of an issue. However, the day after the day 6, 25 min jog (10/6) was very painful. My left hip, all the way down to my foot, and my right calf ached like a bitch the whole day. It was the worst, most uncomfortable pain I've had so far. It was not a sharp pain like I injured myself, just a dull ache that would not go away. I was kind of worried. But, the next day it was all but gone.

Hmm this was longer than I thought it would be. We are on Week 7 now and it's proving to be a crappy week so far. Hopefully it'll get better!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Week 6 - Day 1, 2, & 3 (Shower in the Street)

We did not repeat week 5. Jogging 20 mins straight gave us enough confidence that we felt ready to go on to week 6.

Week 6 – Day 1 instruction: Brisk five-minute warm up walk then: Jog ½ mile (or 5 mins), Walk ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Jog ¾ mile (or 8 mins), Walk ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Jog ½ mile (or 5 mins).

Day 1 – 9/24
Run time: 32:04
Run Distance: 2.13 miles
Ave Pace: 15:05/mi

Did 110 crunches and 45 wall push-ups, in sets of 15, with stretching in between.

River went with us for the entire jog. We went across to the adjacent neighborhood to jog the bigger loop. There were a lot of barking dogs and cars to navigate because we went out a bit earlier than we usually do. It was pretty annoying, especially with River along, but we made it.

It was warmer out that it had been so that brought back some sweat-in-the-eyes awesomeness.

C pulled way out in front on every jogging interval. I felt really crappy (not because of her pulling ahead) – like I weighed 400lbs – and was barely jogging at some points. blah. I still had no pain though, only sore muscles.

Week 6 – Day 2 instruction: Brisk five-minute warm up walk then: Jog 1 mile (or 10 mins), Walk ¼ mile (or 3 mins), Jog 1 mile (or 10 mins).

Day 2 – 9/27
Run time: 31:51
Run Distance: 2.13 miles
Ave Pace: 14:56/mi

Didn’t do crunches or push-ups and didn’t bring River with us.

It had been raining all evening. We knew we had no choice but to jog in the rain. We couldn’t even post-pone until the next day because it was supposed to rain then too.

But we had no idea how hard it was actually raining until we got out there. It was POURING. Oh my gosh, we got completely soaked. It was crazy.

C and I both wear glasses. On the warm up we could hardly see anything – our glasses were wet and fogged up. So, we decided to leave our glasses behind after stretching. This was really weird. I wear my glasses at all times so I felt like I didn’t have a shirt on or something – naked. However, we couldn’t see anything anyway. There was so much water pouring down our faces, we might as well have been holding our heads under a running faucet.

We thought about giving up MANY times that night. It was so uncomfortable to be jogging in that much rain. But we made it the entire time (we both stopped once, for a few seconds each, because of an oncoming car that we were trying to navigate safely).

I couldn’t have gotten any wetter if I had jumped into a pool. Afterwards, I just sat down in the driveway, in the pouring rain, to stretch. I figured why the hell not.

When we were all done it started thunder storming. Hah.

Week 6 – Day 3 instruction: Brisk five-minute warm up walk then: jog 2-1/4 miles (or 25 minutes) with no walking.

Day 3 – 9/29
Run time: 36:37
Run Distance: 2.37 miles
Ave Pace: 15:26/mi

Did 110 crunches but no wall push ups. Did not take River with us.

We planned to go out early for this but it was raining again so we post-poned a bit. I was watching the weather radar map like a hawk, hoping it would stop at least for a little while.

It finally stopped raining (yay!) so out we went. We went to the adjacent neighborhood again. I’m liking jogging over there much better than my little loop. I’m sure in a few weeks I’ll get bored with that neighborhood and want to branch out again.

This day was very chilly. I haven’t bought warmer jogging gear yet (like, a long-sleeved shirt ;)) so my arms were Cold. Luckily (?) I forgot all about my cold arms once I was tired and sore.

We actually jogged 25 mins straight!

Apparently 25 mins for us right now is 2.5 times around the adjacent neighborhood plus the time it takes to get to that neighborhood from my driveway.

I’m still amazed by the fact that we can jog 25 mins straight but I also regularly feel crappy enough to be sad I’m not making better progress. Doing the 25 mins seemed easier at the end than the 20 mins, so I guess I am making a little progress.

C and I did well chatting a lot of the time and making each other laugh (which makes the time go by faster).

Our pace of 15:26/mile seems off from what we have been doing but it is skewed by the fact that we walked a lot farther (~7 mins instead of the usual ~2 mins) after jogging to get back home. I think we would have been at our usual pace or below.

Apparently the pain free jogging has come to an end. I had Very sore calves after this jog, which is fine and expected, but I also noticed a new pain in the front of my left leg. It’s below the knee and to the left of my shin. It's painful to walk sometimes but gets better quickly (I’m not limping or anything). I’m sure it’s some muscle I fatigued on the longer than normal jog – I’m not worried about it. Just noting it here for reference.

Next installment is repeating week 6. (Week 7 is jogging 25 mins all three days - s c a r y.)