1000+ Unread Posts

Did you know that google reader only counts up to 1000 unread posts? Then it puts a little + after the 1000, rolls its eyes at you, and gives up.

I miss blogging - writing and reading - but I had to give it up for a while. I think it was contributing to my stress.

Things are getting better. I don't feel so out of control at work anymore and my stress levels are definitely down.

About 2 weeks before my vacation I had a major wake-up call at work when I had to start working like crazy on a matter that was incredibly busy. One day in particular I worked for ~17 hours. That sounds like it would increase stress, and it did, but it also kicked my ass and got me back in the swing of things. Then R and I both took the last week in Sept off and really had a great vacation. I still don't like work, but I feel like I'm dealing with it better now.

C and I are currently on week 5 of our 12 week training program for the half marathon. I still really want to do it and am getting excited but I'm also intimidated by the 13.1 miles and by the price for what amounts to a 3 day "vacation". If I sign up by 10/15 I'll get $10 off the registration fee and they'll enter you in a contest to win free hotel nights and show tickets. Now THAT would be awesome :)

So, I'd love to catch up on all my unread posts but I don't think that's going to happen. I am trying though. Don't be surprised if you get some extremely late comments from me.

This & That, but Mostly Running (Sorry!)

- I am starting to get more serious about the half marathon. Was even brave enough and excited enough to put up a ticker :) I think we can do it. I'm positive it would be a lot of fun and a great accomplishment.

- We begin the training plan this Monday, the 13th. I'm pretty intimidated because the plan has exercise 6 days a week, with only Friday as a true rest-and-do-nothing day. Really, the fact that I exercise 2 to 3 times a week is a flippin miracle. Not sure how I'm gonna do 6. The plan's structure already fits well into our schedules so we don't have to tweak days which is good.

- We've done 4 3-mile jogs now and I am still amazed each time we finish. I seriously can't believe I can jog for 1 mile, never mind 3. On Labor Day we jogged a 5k (just C and I, not a race) and finished in about (I don't have my garmin with me for actual time) 43 mins. Big difference from my 5k time in May!

- Tomorrow (9/11) we are planning a long walk. I'm not sure how many miles we'll do but we want to do more than 5 so we can see how it goes. I need to figure out where we'll be walking.

- I'm contemplating weekly log type updates during the training, though I should know better than to make blogging commitments. I almost always fail at those.

- Bracelet update coming soon! (hah what did I just say about blogging commitments?) If you don't know what I'm talking about, please read this post. The offer still stands if you'd like one.

- I suspect the first of you will be receiving bracelets sometime next week. I have a handful made and will be making more this weekend. Right now I'm really experimenting with different styles of the bracelet itself and different ways to attach the charms and clasps. Each one I've made so far is different. So, it's slow going while I get the hang of everything. Once I figure out the best ways, it should go much faster.

- R and I are taking a vacation week at the end of this month and I can't wait! We aren't going away but at the beginning of our week off we are going to NYC to see this show and go out to dinner here. It should be a fun night.

- I found a local 5k for C and I to do on 9/26 but it's the day after our NYC trip and we won't be getting home until about 3am. I'm not so sure it's smart to commit to a 5k after such a late night. The actual 5k isn't until 1pm so I'm still leaning toward doing it though. I'm quite excited about being able to run the whole thing if we do :)

- It's kind of weird that I consider myself an infertility blogger but I don't blog about IF much at all. Right now my life is all about trying to ignore IF and focus on other things so I guess that's why. But still weird.

- I made one of my favorite fall dishes (not actually a "fall" dish but I consider it one because that's when I usually make it) last night and brought it for lunch today. I made it meatless - didn't feel like chopping and cooking chicken - and it's just as good. More of a side dish than a main dish though without the chicken. I have that and a bagel and I'm looking forward to lunch right now way more than is healthy. Woo! Brown rice salad!

- Yesterday I noticed the first of the leaves around my house turning colors. I love this time of year but I'm trying not to think about those dreary winter months (Jan/Feb/March) that are just around the corner.

- Hmmm bullet point type posts are much easier to write...

5k Recap (Finally!) and New, Slightly Crazy Goal

Venus in our jogging sky
I only jog outside and usually at night. The common time C (my sister) and I have on the week days is after work. Dinner gets in the way. If I eat after jogging, I can go at around 7 or 7:30. If I eat before jogging we don't go until after 8pm. Either way, the sun is just about to set or has already gone down. My neighborhood happens to have a great view of the western sky so we get some amazing pink/purple/orange sunsets. Venus has been watching us jog for a while now. It's really beautiful.

C and I are doing this 5k training plan right now and just finished week 7 yesterday. We've been pretty bad at keeping to the schedule but have gone out about 2 times a week for the last 6 weeks. We were struggling and procrastinating at first but really did well this past week.

Tuesday we did 2 miles and walked the final mile.
Thursday we jogged the 2 miles.

Saturday we jogged THE ENTIRE 3 MILES!!

I'm shocked. This is the furthest we've ever gone. It took us 42 mins, so still really slow, but we jogged the entire time, no walking breaks.

8/28/10
Run Time: 42:01
Run Distance: 3.04 miles
Ave Pace: 13:49/mi

~~~~~~<<<<>>>>~~~~~~
On May 20th, I ran walked a 5k (actually 3.5 miles), my first "race" ever. I'm not sure why but I haven't really known what to say about it.

It went pretty well. I had fun. I actually enjoyed doing it. I want to, and probably will, do another.

It also brought disappointment and frustration though.

I had big plans to build up to jogging at least 3 of the 3.5 miles. C and I were doing well and had gotten to a straight 2.5 miles, slowly, but jogging the entire way. Then we fell off the wagon. Mostly because I got sick with something that left me coughing for weeks. I was still coughing until halfway through my cruise, which was after the 5k (one afternoon on the cruise I realized I hadn't coughed at all and was sooo happy).

I knew with the coughing thing that I couldn't jog so I took a lot of time off from exercise and went for walks right before the 5k. By the time May 20th came around it had been more than 3 weeks since I had jogged at all.

The crowds at the 5k were amazing. It was packed shoulder to shoulder at the starting line-up, which was mildly unpleasant, but I'm ok with large crowds so it didn't bother me much. Since the pack was so large, it took forever to get to a place where you could move around enough to jog. This was actually a blessing since the first bit of the route was uphill ;) After about 15-20 minutes the crowd thinned down enough to move around a bit. I jogged for maybe 1 mile of the whole thing, if that. I was just so winded (and still coughing a bit).

5/20/10 (5k day)
Run Time: 53:24
Run Distance: 3.54 miles
Ave Pace: 15:06/mi

So yeah, I was disappointed. Not at the finish time specifically but because I couldn't jog for most of it like I had planned. It is a good time to try to beat for my next race I guess! :)

~~~~~~<<<<>>>>~~~~~~
That brings me to my current goal.

In March of '09 I asked myself if it was possible to become a "runner" (this post). I think I succeeded. I might not technically be a real "runner" but I'd say the ability to jog for 3 miles without stopping, however slowly, qualifies me as a jogger. This is something I never ever thought I'd be able to do.

Now I'm asking myself if it's possible for me - a kind of, half-assed jogger - to run/walk a half marathon.

13.1 miles

I read about a half in Las Vegas on December 5th and I'm seriously considering doing it. The main thing that attracted me to this one is that it's walker-friendly, as long as you can finish the half in 4 hours or less. (and I'd love to go to Vegas again! I haven't been in 10+ years.)

C and I are planning to do this novice training plan next. We don't expect to jog the entire 13.1 miles and will walk any part of the training runs that we need to in order to finish the required mileage.

But...

Can we really walk 13 miles??

Sometimes I think, "if we can jog for 3 miles, then jogging/walking 13 is definitely doable." Other times I think, "jill, wtf. 13 MILES! What are you thinking?!"

We have 14 weeks to train.

It's definitely possible... but, can we really do it?

Infertility's Common Thread

About a year ago, when I first explored The Stirrup Queens blog, I came across "Infertility's Common Thread" (linked down there on my side bar, too). I thought this was a great idea! More than a great idea - a wonderful!, awesome!, amazing idea!! If you haven't read about it, please click over. Basically it's a sign for people in the ALI community to recognize each other. See that pregnant belly over there? Check her wrist, you might actually get to shelve the bitterness for a minute and feel a small bond and happiness for the woman behind the belly. (I know that sounds bad but I also know that people who read this blog know how I feel.)

For about a year now I've been wanting to go to the craft store and pick up embroidery thread #814 and tie a string around my wrist. Every time I would go to a store that carried it, I would realize I forgot to write down the number and would always leave empty handed.

Recently, I got the idea of making a thin friendship bracelet (remember making those? I made them when I was younger and my sister still makes and gives them to me) out of the thread and wearing that instead. My day dreaming creative side went a little wild (for me anyway haha) and I thought that maybe I could add a clasp so it could be removable if needed.

Well, I was motivated to actually note down #814 AND get to the craft store this past weekend! :)

This is what I came up with for my first try.
I'm wearing it right now.
I'd love it if everyone in this community would wear this thread on their right wrist. Maybe a little "Infertility's Common Thread" revival?

And, because I know that as common as this thread is, it's not always the top of every one's mind to go out and get it, I'd like to help.

If you'd like to wear one, I'd like to make one for you*. Please leave me a comment and/or email me at ayariaATgmailDOTcom.

*Keep in mind that I'd need to mail it to you. While I've never mailed anything out of the US before, I'm more than willing to try. Also, I'm not selling them or asking for money from anyone.

Personal Relaxation Scene

Therapy is going alright. I'm feeling a bit more comfortable talking to someone about my life now, after the third visit. Besides just getting to know me and my past, she is working on giving me ways to control my stress. Deep breathing is one of them. Meditation is another. My current homework is to write a detailed description of a "personal relaxation scene".

I have a few places I'd categorize like this. Anywhere where I can sit, look at, and hear the ocean would definitely be one of them. Another is in the woods near streams or rivers. I really like water apparently.

My dog absolutely LOVES water. He isn't comfortable in deep water but only because he didn't grow up with a body of water to learn in. Whenever we get close to water he needs to wade, to splash, to drink, to frolic. It's so cute and it is one of my favorite things to watch.

The following pics are of one of my perfect, relaxing places - my dog being there just makes it even better :)

On our way there in the car

Walking to our favorite spot

The perfect spot, looking upstream

When the water is low, I tip-toe out on exposed rocks and sit on the big rock. Bliss.

Each time he wants to shake the water off, he has to get as close to me as possible. Share the fun!


Looking downstream through the trees

He picks up his paw and purposely splashes so he can snap at the resulting water droplets


He and I could stay here all day...

(that's his doggie friend that happened to go with us that day)

Dad

My dad died 9 years ago yesterday.

I wrote about him and his death last year.

C and I did not take the day off again but she did bake congo bars last night and I ate one this morning in his honor. Thanks, Dad.

I don't really assign more sadness to August 5th than any other day but it's kind of nice to have a specific day to write about him every year.

Since he was a baker, my family never bought regular bread. We always had fresh baked bread that he would bring home from the bakery he worked at. The most common was his version of a Portuguese white bread. Because of him I love artisan breads and dislike store bought squishy bread (down with the "wonder bread" type loaves!).

One morning I went out to my car to go to work and found a loaf of that bread on my windshield. I lived just down the street from he and my mom at the time and I knew it was from him. I was going through a tough time (I'm not sure he even knew that) and it meant so much to me to find that bread there. Like a heartfelt hug that feels warm and safe. I will never forget it.

Thank You

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you that left me wonderful comments on my last few posts - and my last post especially.

Someone who doesn't blog and/or has never known people only online might not believe it but your words and the fact that you're willing to come read about my life and share thoughts/advice/experiences really help. A lot.

I get caught up a lot of the time in feeling alone. Like I might be the only one to have these negative feelings. But I'm not. They are common and I just need to learn how to deal with them. Hopefully talking to the therapist will help me learn to do just that.

I seriously did not even think about others also having such a hard time sharing feelings. I mean, I know that logically it makes sense that others feel that way, but it just never occurred to me. Reading your comments helped me to see that I'm not the only one.

One comment even made me realize that one of the reasons I feel so negatively about sharing is that I'm afraid of what the therapist will think of me. I really don't want people to think I'm "crazy", selfish, bitchy, etc. I suppose I need to get over that - and I'm considering bringing it up to her at the next appt.

All of you are so sweet and supportive and I just can't say enough that I appreciate each and every comment. They made me feel a lot better in general and better about continuing to go to therapy.

Thank you Thank you Thank you <3