Blogging...

Wow - am I a bad blogger or what?

I read blogs almost everyday and blog surf to find other blogs that seem interesting or that I can relate to. Comments from me are occasional. Most of the time I feel silly leaving the generic "I agree!" or "I support you" comments. Not sure why...

I dream of being one of those writers who post beautiful pictures from their lives and use equally beautiful words to describe their meaningful life experiences. I admire people like this but I am definitely not one of them.

I have found pleasure in writing in the past - college essays that I read and re-read because I liked writing them so much (but don't get me wrong... I seriously dislike "english", grammar and writing classes. I'm wayyy more of a science class type girl), stories I began writing when I was a kid, books of notes that we would pass to each other in middle and high school, beginnings of diaries (i say beginnings because i would NEVER keep up with these). In a very bad time in my life I would take a piece of paper and a pen and write down whatever came to my mind in one very long run on sentence. Sometimes pages and pages of this. And, it did make me feel better... I think. Maybe it was just another way for me to wallow in my misery - hah - I guess I'll never know. I have a few of these pieces of paper still. Reading them brings me right back to that time in my life, so clearly I could practically shut my eyes and expect to be back in time when I open them.

Why did I start this blog if I'm a bad writer? Partly, I have an urge to write things out and plan things, but then my procrastination side takes over and I end up only thinking about the planning instead of actually doing it. *gives procrastinator-jill a swift kick in the ass* I also would like to reach out to other people in similar life situations (and different... I would never turn away a potential friend) and offer my support and receive support.

I think I'm a fairly private person and really, it's not by conscious choice. As you've probably noted from my blog address, I don't feel like many things in my life are worthy of passing on - no one will be interested or I should be asking about you, not telling you about me. Not sure where this comes from but it's definitely there. This blog is attempt to share things about me I would almost never think of sharing with someone in person. An example of this is that no one at all, except R (and whoever has read this blog), knows that I had an HSG done last year. Of people I see or talk to on a regular basis, only R knows this blog exists.

I share everything with R and I do share occasionally with "strangers" and family but mostly I say "I'm fine." when asked and not much more. If someone starts asking questions, I'll gladly answer, almost too willingly ;) but I don't go out of my way to share information. I'm trying to be better about this with my family. I've realized as I've gotten older that I'm not the only one with a "boring" life and that most people who care about you are happy to hear about the little things. I'm sure my mom, grandmother and sisters would be perfectly happy hearing about my latest trip to the grocery store or about someone weird I saw in the elevator. I'm trying to get better about sharing a few of these silly things in order to better keep in touch. I'm hoping this blog will help with that "sharing" learning curve. Life is too short and family is too important not to make the effort.